I realize that this is a triggering blog title. But the sad reality is, we’ve all felt hated by our significant other at some point in our relationship. I hope this blog post provides some real value into why men grow resentful in relationships and what you can do to turn things around.
In this article:
- Reasons your boyfriend hates you
Here are 5 surprising reasons your boyfriend hates you:
1. Your Life is a Mess
Do you live by the motto “ignorance is bliss”?
- Are you bad at managing money?
- Are you constantly late?
- Do you back out of plans and break promises to people?
These are all controllable aspects of your life, and if you ignore them, most people and all men will find you incredibly unattractive. This is universal for both sexes.
Imagine meeting a charismatic, attractive man at the bar. Your banter is amazing, and you end up going back to his place. You have an amazing night together.
A few days later you go out for drinks and when the bill comes his card is declined. You awkwardly say “it’s okay” and pay for the drinks.
You get back to his place, and you see a stack of overdue bills piled up on his countertop. His apartment is a complete mess. You realize that he doesn’t have his stuff together in your post-coitus clarity, and it’s an immediate turn-off.
And you realize there’s no way you’ll make a lifelong mate out of a man like this. There’s no way a man wants to make a lifelong mate out of a woman like that, either.
How to start fixing things:
- Making your bed first thing in the morning will start your day off knowing you’ve already accomplished something
- Keep your apartment clean.
- Pay more attention to your appearance. What you wear & how you look is a reflection of how you feel on the inside.
- Keep your promises. Don’t flake. If you don’t want to go on a date, politely say “no.”
- Get control of your finances by using a budgeting app like Every Dollar or Mint.
2. You need to exercise more
Ladies, I know this is hard to read. But The hard truth is, men are first attracted to looks—above all else.
More often than not, women are attracted to a man’s character and sense of humor rather than physical appearance. That’s why you often see beautiful women in the arms of overweight men with average looks.
These men have an incredible amount of confidence which is a gravitational force of attraction.
If you are in a committed relationship and start putting on weight, your man will become resentful that he is stuck with an overweight partner.
He’ll feel baited and switched. Incredibly confident men, or those who have set high expectations for their lives, will probably move on from you.
Relationship advice columns are filled with frustrated husbands/boyfriends who pour out their souls about how they feel like horrible men for no longer being attracted to their spouses because they’ve gained too much weight and how they feel “trapped.”
And the answers from women almost always include:
- “Shame on you. If you really loved her, you’d stick by her no matter what.”
- “Encourage her to go to the gym with you.”
- “Make healthy dinners for the two of you.”
The truth of the matter is it’s not a man’s responsibility to get you to take care of yourself. You need to take care of yourself.
How to fix it:
- Choose a realistic goal. Working out 5 days a week when you haven’t worked out in years isn’t sustainable in the long run. So set a realistic exercise goal. 3x per week is more doable.
- Write your fitness goal down. It’s been proven that those that write a goal down are 8x more likely to realize that goal. So write down your goal. Is it to lose 20lbs? How are you going to do it? Does it mean going to the gym 3x per week, before or after work?
- Eat more nutritious foods, more often than you eat junky foods. These are two eating plans that are popular, nutritious, proven for weight loss, and aren’t going anywhere any time soon.
3. You always have to be right
Your ego is out of control.
Psychologists have taught us that our ego literally what makes us who we are. And everything in life is seen through the lens of this ego. It subconsciously informs every decision we make.
This goes for both men and women. We don’t like to be wrong. We absolutely hate being told we’re wrong. Men have enough trouble expressing their emotions.
So If you have a need to always be right then he’ll feel trapped and unable to express himself. And he’ll begin to hate (resent) you for it.
How to fix it:
Let him win sometimes. And that can be as simple as choosing to say, 3 out of 10 times, “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
Even if he’s being a complete idiot and is totally wrong (which is the case 100% of the time). Just the exercise of saying, “I’m sorry. You’re right,” shows that you’re making an effort, you realize you’re not right all the time, and you have some grace.
And he’ll love you for it.
4. You need constant reassurance
One of the most universally attractive qualities is self-confidence.
I mentioned earlier how often you’d see an ugly man with a beautiful woman. That’s because of the raw, magnetic power of confidence. So, imagine how it looks to him if you constantly seek reassurance from him with questions like:
- “Do you still love me?”
- “Do you still like me?”
- “Am I good enough for you?”
These types of questions are super unattractive.
You ask it enough times; I can guarantee your boyfriend hates you for it. He’ll resent you for making him feel like he’s holding the very fabric of your being together.
How to fix it:
You can change this by working on loving yourself, trusting yourself, and realizing that ultimately you don’t need someone in your life to make you happy. I realize this is easier said than done.
There are multiple YouTube videos, free online courses that will help you gain the self-confidence you need. So work on recognizing your constant need for reassurance from your man and work to figure out WHY you need that reassurance.
5. He doesn’t feel needed
This need that men have is so easy to fix yet holds an unbelievable amount of power. And it comes down to this:
Your boyfriend wants to be your hero.
Men want to fix leaky faucets, fight battles for you, and keep you safe. It’s built into their core being. This is known as The Hero Instinct.
This “Hero Instinct” is a BIOLOGICAL DRIVE…just like hunger, thirst, and sex. And once this drive is triggered, it becomes more powerful than all 3 combined. This is what makes it virtually impossible for him to ignore.
So how do I trigger this instinct? Click that orange button a few lines down.
Ok, you’ve finished the list. What now? Gonna call your mom? Watch Bridgerton again? Open (another) bottle of wine? Um, earth to Karen, why don’t you stop wondering whether to take the first step in your journey to becoming irresistible to men. Click the link below to get started.
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